


just ... kiss me, please?

by hyuckios



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Car Wreck, Drinking, I dont know what to tag, M/M, Smoking, but renmin lives on, hospital au, jaemin and renjun are ex lovers, moves along quickly, renjun's in a coma, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 05:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15284730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckios/pseuds/hyuckios
Summary: although have been broken up for a while, renjun and jaemin find themselves connecting again in the unfamiliar setting of the hospital - seeing as renjun's car wreck was too severe and jaemin is still his emergency contact in his phone.





	just ... kiss me, please?

**Author's Note:**

> hi uhhhh, renmin lives on. . . 
> 
> it's kinda late and this might be a mess but i wanted to bring this type of situation to life a little
> 
> also the flashbacks are in italics, i hope its not messy or hard to read. 
> 
> thanks & enjoy !

it hadn’t happened fast. if anything, he spotted the white and bright, blinding lights from ahead, and he did the one thing that he never thought he’d do : he froze. there were a few crashes, lots of grunting and whimpered cries slipping from his mouth being tossed around : to be heard by no one. he needed help, he needed some goddamn help, yet there was no one around to hear the whimpering cries falling quickly from his mouth.

 

he pounded his fists on the top of the car, tugging at the seatbelt that was uncomfortably digging into his torso. he was upside down, he knew that for sure, but everything else : he had no idea. maybe he was spinning, or it could’ve been the aggressive blow he had when his head bashed against the window, his nose hitting the steering wheel. and when he heard the few voices coming from outside his car, he choked on the saliva in his throat, trying to call out, resulting in coughing up blood instead of actual words. god, it hurt everywhere and he was in such a terrible position that once he started crying he couldn’t stop. 

 

he heard a woman’s voice trying to reach him, but he closed his eyes in defeat, not being able to open his mouth at all, proceeding to hear a “no!” and “stop!” and another long honk before everything that was suddenly clear in renjun’s eyes : went out. the lights were out and so was renjun. 

  
  


-

  
  


“what’s up?” he answered the phone easily, sliding his papers underneath his arm as he thanked the barista for the burning cup of coffee she handed him.

 

“oh fuck, that’s hot.” he swore, setting his cup down to slip one of those papers over it to make it less blazing against his sensitive skin.

 

“am i speaking with na jaemin?” the voice came from a thick older man, jaemin was good at deciphering voices, he was on the phone almost every hour of the day. 

 

“if this is about the models that were cancelled, the answer is no. we aren’t accepting anymore, we had to cancel the entire show because of it.” he spat out, moving out to the street, using his back to open the door. 

 

“i’m sorry, sir. are you aware of a huang renjun?” jaemin took a sip of his coffee and then froze dead in the middle of the busy street. 

 

and suddenly every memory was racing across his mind, stopping to kick him right in the heart. for some reason, renjun’s laughter echoed in jaemin’s head, goosebumps quickly rising to his skin. he had tried to forget. forget everything jaemin loves ( read: loved ) about renjun.

 

he swallowed hard, his hands already starting to shake, “i do.” he answered, barely audible and soft as ever.

 

“i’m sorry, but your number was in his emergency contact list as boyfriend and his first two contacts, his parents, did not answer. we don’t mean to-”

 

“-okay what the fuck happened?” he burst out, unable to keep himself calm.

 

the pace picked up in his heart suddenly, his breathing taking a turn to the heavy panting he hadn’t been familiar with for a while. 

 

“he’s been in an accident and is fighting for his life, we had to place him in an induced coma to sustain-”

 

“-where at?” he cut the man off again, but at this point he didn’t care. 

 

jaemin dropped his coffee into the nearest trash can, throwing his newly organized papers into the second seat of his car, watching them splutter all over the floor. 

 

he pounded his fists onto the steering wheel, punching it a couple times as he swore loudly-- getting odd looks from the passersby. there was a fine moment before jaemin could actually start his car and head to the hospital. 

 

his eyes were glossed over,

 

his heart was clenching at the thought of renjun laying in a hospital bed, tube down his throat, scratches maybe, oh. 

 

jaemin couldn’t think like that, cause now he was crying and the busy streets of new york city were too crowded and, fuck, couldn’t they just move already?

 

he took up like three spots as he was parking, letting the thought fly over his head because renjun needed him. 

 

both hands collided onto the front desk of the emergency room,

 

“i need to see huang renjun.” he aired out, observing the wide eyes from the young woman in front of him.

 

“sir, i’m gonna need to see your id and-”

 

but jaemin was already getting it out, thrusting his card under the glass towards her, walking over to the door and trying to push it open, being rejected. 

 

“open the fucking door.” he spoke quietly, so many traces of sadness and concern laced throughout him.

 

but the lady ignored him and continued to check his id and the list they had for renjun’s name. 

 

“please..” jaemin could’ve just whispered instead of the awkward volume he had just spoken at. 

 

and she listened this time, opening the door and watching him disappear into the emergency room. but jaemin had no idea which room renjun was laying in, but something was drawing him towards the back, where he found renjun through two glass sliding doors. 

 

he had so many hands over him, shifting, shaking, and touching renjun. god, jaemin wanted to be the only one touching him at that moment. 

 

and as soon as he slowed his running, he turned around and dug his face into his own elbow, looking away from the god awful scene in front of him. 

 

he was far beyond crying at this point, his tears leaking down his face and nearly swimming in his mouth. he wiped his cheeks, not quite ready to take a look at what he had grabbed a glimpse of. 

 

but with a big breath, he spun around and walked the few feet up to the glass, placing an open palm against it.

 

“junnie..” he whispered, his body feeling overwhelmed with too many emotions he couldn’t recognize, itching at him to give in to whatever the emotions were asking for. but jaemin stood his ground, ignoring the voices around him as the doctors finally started to trickle out of the room. 

 

and even when the room contained of one boy, and just one boy : jaemin still couldn’t build up the courage to walk in. 

 

for some reason, his hands were freezing cold, ironic since earlier his hands were burning from the coffee he held. and he wasn’t sure whose hand was placed on his shoulder, but he shrugged them off, bringing himself to walk in, his chest puffed out and his chin held high. 

 

he wouldn’t cry anymore, he swore it. 

 

he wasn’t weak, renjun always reminded him of it. 

 

_       “baby boy, i’m not going anywhere. you’re literally the weakest link of our entire friend group.” renjun groaned as he got off jaemin’s lap, kind of wishing he would have stayed there, since jaemin’s chin felt so warm on his own shoulder, his arms snaked easily around his body, intertwining his hands with his own.  _

 

_ renjun was only getting up to pee, because god, why did beer make you want to pee all the damn time? it was renjun’s third time in the past thirty minutes and everyone had to pause the games just for him. but jaemin was clingy and renjun had a thing for calling him a weak link, since he was constantly whining when he wasn’t able to hold him close to his chest, or kiss right under his ear.  _

 

so he made a vow to himself in that moment, that he wouldn’t cry in front of renjun. renjun hated that shit. 

 

but when he stood a foot from him, jaemin choked three times before breaking out into an uncontrollable sob sound, covering his mouth in a fear of getting caught. 

 

_ renjun wrinkled his nose when jaemin started crying, releasing the absolute biggest sigh in the world.  _

 

_ “god, jaemin. i just told you i love you and you’re … crying?”  _

 

_ and jaemin just responded with laughter, sliding to wrap his hand around renjun’s wrist, spinning him so he was now pressed against his chest, their mouths so deathly close to where they both wanted to be at the moment. _

 

_ so renjun, being literally made of only sass and sarcasm, leaned up to press his lips against jaemin’s. and jaemin fell weak at the knees, almost wanting to just sink into the floor and never stop falling, but, oh, he was already doing exactly that with renjun. falling and never stopping. _

 

_ “i love you too, you goon..” jaemin clicked his mouth off of renjun’s for a second to say it back, letting renjun wipe his tears and kiss his cheekbones where the stains were beginning to set in. _

 

if renjun was awake, he would be scolding the hell out of him. so jaemin let himself shake his head and let out a half laugh, also known as one tiny puff of air out of his lungs, he could already hear him whining in his head, the whine that starts off soft and then turns in a full on yelp. 

 

and when he reached out to touch his unbandaged hand, containing of only a few scrapes, he felt so much fragile than ever. renjun was always fragile through jaemin’s eyes… and although renjun was usually the baddest bitch in the relationship, there were many times where renjun needed to be held and that was exactly jaemin’s job. jaemin’s favorite fucking thing to do, ever. 

 

was to hold renjun. to run his fingers over renjun’s knuckles, to kiss them when he spun him around as they danced. 

 

so standing next to renjun’s lifeless body was something that jaemin despised. it was like renjun was sleeping, but this time with every wire in the entire universe sticking out of him, the air in the room so thick from the cries of help he could practically hear radiating from renjun. 

 

he touched his forehead next, so delicately and with an overwhelming feeling of horror. his right eyebrow was swelled up, an obvious blow causing some sort of damage. and there was a now-switched gash on his left cheekbone, with surrounding sights of a pinkish color. jaemin couldn’t even glance over at the tube coming from renjun’s throat. he tugged his bottom lip into his mouth and looked at renjun’s lips. 

 

so very dry and so very pleasing. god, jaemin missed his lips.

 

_ he had set a goal, at their first month anniversary. jaemin promised renjun that he would kiss him at least once every day from that day on, and he kept it. even when they were both sick with the stomach flu and couldn’t get out of bed, jaemin virtually crawled on the pavement outside to get to renjun’s house.  _

 

_ the elder boy scolded him, but accepted his mouth in a short kiss, although they both knew it was quite disgusting : they did it anyway.  _

 

_ except for the few times that they were on a holiday with their families, they’d facetime and kiss the camera, like such lovestruck fools, they both knew it was annoyingly gross, but they proceeded anyway. _

 

_ and the time when they had gotten in their first fight, words like  “don’t call me again” and “i never want to see you” were thrown out at an awful back and forth pace. it was rough, god, both of them had never felt as much pain as they did their first fight. consisting of tears, missed classes and lack of nutrition and : love.  _

 

_ it was renjun who came to jaemin, knocking shortly on his window, since it was on the first floor. and jaemin was hesitant to lift the window and accept the boy, who was almost covered completely by the rainwater leaving the sky. _

 

_ and renjun wouldn’t find his way in, he just tugged jaemin’s chin forward so he could catch his lips in a kiss, one longer than usual, composed of chastity and hopelessness.  _

 

_ then, renjun was pulling away, and disappearing back into the night sky. _

 

soon, jaemin had his eyebrows furrowed as he decided to sit down next his ( ex ) lover. jaemin laid renjun’s hand into his own, kissing it gently before leaning his head forward, so his forehead was pressed against their clasped hands.

 

“god, what happened to you?” he let himself say once, letting his fingers fall numb as he let go of renjun’s hand, realizing that his hair had been all over the place. 

 

“you look a damn mess, baby.” his voice caught in the back of his throat as he felt his fingers over renjun’s wet bangs. then he allowed himself to set a laugh free, only the smallest giggle. 

 

renjun had this thing.. this thing where he always needed to look good even if they were headed to the convenience store for a tub of ice cream. sometimes it’d make jaemin engranged, but only the slightest bit. 

 

_       cause jaemin would surprise text renjun, announcing that he was outside his house, but most times renjun wouldn’t even let him in until he at least had his hair up, or completely covered in that ugly yellow beanie he owned.  _

  
  


**_jaemin_ **

_ renjun open UP _

_ please _

 

**_renjun_ **

_ wait give me like ten minutes _

**_jaemin_ **

_ ARE YOU- _

_ renjun lowkey i hate you _

_ you look good all the time just  _

_ let _

_ me _

_ see _

_ you _

**_renjun_ **

_ shut up  _

_ you’re required to say that since you’re my boyfriend _

**_jaemin_ **

_ i mean _

 

_ and eventually he’d open up the door, letting out a sigh as a very very chilly jaemin came bursting into his arms, lifting up renjun’s sweatshirt to place his icy hands on renjun’s burning skin.  _

 

_ renjun would gasp and shove him away, only resulting in more pouting and lots of whining from jaemin, as he’d mutter something about how it was renjun’s fault he was freezing and if he got hypothermia it’d also be his fault. _

 

he hoped renjun would just wake up and make a joke about jaemin touching his hair-- renjun hated that too. 

 

“jaemin..” he had heard the voice from behind him, but he didn’t look up, just grumbled a hum. 

 

“can we ask you a few things? if you have the time?” another voice came and jaemin cocked his head to the left to see two police officers standing in the doorway. and on reflex, he stood up and looked down at the floor, already feeling like he was in some sort of ironic trouble. 

 

“do you happen to know why we cannot reach mr. huang’s parents?” they asked politely and jaemin skimmed their faces for an emotion, but failed miserably. 

 

“they uh.. they’re over in china, he’s here for college and they’re asleep i assume.. maybe try in uh, let me check..” jaemin paused to pull out his phone to check the time conversions, “five or six hours? they tend to sleep in often.” he chuckled, remembering the time renjun had brought him home to meet his family over a christmas holiday and how they decided to make his parents breakfast -- nearly burning down the kitchen in the process, but by the time renjun’s parents actually woke : the food had grown cold. 

they police understood, writing a few things down before motioning jaemin to walk out of the room with them. 

 

they’d be damned if they thought jaemin was going to retreat all the way back into the waiting room to have a conversation, so he stood his ground outside of the sliding doors and crossed his arms. 

 

“do you know what happened?” jaemin had felt his body cool a little bit, taking a glane back into the room to make sure renjun was still there-- that he hadn’t disappeared again.

 

they nodded and moved on to tell him detail by detail how the brakes in the car must’ve given out-- there had been a recall, renjun was just stubborn. jaemin started to blank out on all the rusty details they were giving him, tugging his ears back into the conversation when he heard renjun’s name. he had rear-ended someone since the brakes gave out, turning the wheel so hard to the point where he was perpendicular to the cars he should’ve been parallel with, flipping him just once, so he was upside down. whereas, soon after, another suv plowed straight onto the side of his already flipped car, sending him flying almost off the entire highway. it was messy, they said. he was crying, they said. whining, begging for help, in and out of consciousness as he tried to escape himself. jaemin would say it again because he knew it : renjun was stubborn.

 

_       “jaemin, i am not gonna do that!” renjun was tucked under the covers of jaemin’s huge ass blanket, so wrapped in it to the point where his head looked so tiny in jaemin’s king sized bed. and of course, jaemin pouted. he rolled his eyes because, damn, renjun did not want to go to that haunted house that everyone was going to.  _

 

_ “you promised!” _

 

_ “i did not do such a thing! god, you’re such a baby, jaemin..” renjun responded back by rolling his own eyes and shaking his head. _

 

_ yeah, maybe they had been arguing about it for the past thirty minutes, and yeah, maybe it was jaemin’s fault for mentioning it back in april when they were both preparing for finals. jaemin said it once, renjun only agreed to shut him up so he could study, but jaemin obviously had held it against him for the past 6 months.  _

 

_ “you’re literally so stubborn-” _

 

_ “-yeah, check yourself out sweetie-” _

 

_ “-fuck you, renjun!” jaemin would say before exiting his own room and trying to cool off by taking a shower.  _

 

god, renjun was stubborn as hell. but jaemin was also stubborn, which is why he denied furthermore questions, suddenly walking away from the authorities and falling back to renjun’s sides. 

it was quiet in the room, where jaemin only heard the ventilator working and renjun’s heart monitor filling the room with solid beeping, but it settled jaemin’s stomach. 

 

“you know..” jaemin started, stopping to tug his fingers through his hair, and hold renjun’s hand in his own. he intertwined their fingers, desperately wanting to crawl up next to renjun and place renjun’s head on his chest, blanketing him in protection.

 

“i always thought it would be who died first, god, i hope you don’t die, renjun.” he took a pause and sucked in a shaky breath. “i mean.. really though, i kinda hoped it be me.. so i could have my family invite you to my funeral and you’d feel guilty for breaking up with me.” he slowed himself down during his joke, realizing that he just told his ex boyfriend, who’s laying lifeless in this hospital bed, that he wanted him to feel guilty. jaemin was fucked in the head, but he knew it. 

 

he was tapping his feet uncontrollably, so unclear and stressed about the current situation in front of him. 

 

he bent down to kiss renjun’s temple, gently leaning over to give him the closest possible thing to a hug.

 

“just wake up already.” he spit out, like he was angry.

 

and maybe he was, but he knew he had no right to be. he shouldn’t of even been there, the thoughts in his head eating him alive. he was a fool if he thought renjun would wake up and suddenly be in love with him again. they hadn’t seen each other for 14 months, each and every month too much for jaemin to handle. 

 

_       he had overworked himself the first two weeks after their breakup, taking every possible spot and filling in for anyone-- even if they were able to work that day. he spent hours designing clothes, so many uncontrollable sobs leaving his mouth in the middle of the night as he stitched up clothing. he passed out and one of his close friends had to come to the rescue to wake him up, telling him to get some damn rest before they drug him- or something like that.  _

 

_ he left voicemails after voicemails, writing emails, sending letters- just anything to at least hear something from renjun. and after a good four months, jaemin sent one last letter in. a short one, stamped with the stickers they covered each other in when they had gotten drunk for the first time together- yeah, jaemin kept them.  _

 

_ dear renjun, _

 

_ i know i’ve sent a few things, maybe some words of anger that i know you’d hate.. hopefully you threw those away. i’m truly sorry. i just want to say one last thing to you. i promise i’ll work on myself, i’ll take breaks, i’ll appreciate things more, i’ll meet new people, i’ll sleep more, i’ll do it all. i’m sorry that i wasn’t good enough for you, but i’ll be a better man in the future, i swear it. just promise me one thing, alright? just promise me that if we ever find each other in the future, that we’ll try again? _

 

_ yours always, _

_ jaemin _

 

_ and two weeks later,  jaemin had received a return letter, the first contact he had had from renjun in months.  _

 

_ inside was a full sheet of notebook paper with the words: _

 

_  i promise.  _

 

_ and jaemin cried, he felt overjoyed by the thought of renjun being okay, for one, but mainly because they had just promised each other that they would try again in the future, if it ever came to it. _

 

jaemin was half asleep after a few more long hours, before he heard a throaty cry coming from down the hallway. and before he could snap his head, the doors opened and a tall and broad shouldered boy stepped in. 

 

“renjun!” he cried, falling to his knees in an ungrateful weep.

 

jaemin stared at him, wide eyed and very very fearful. but the boy stood up and took the cautious steps forward to grab onto renjun’s hand. jaemin stomach burned and his skin was on fire. 

 

“excuse me! who are you? you cannot just barge in here like that..” the nurse stepped into the room, the officers closely behind. 

 

“i’m.. i’m jeno. i’m renjun’s- well- boyfriend or something.. i don’t really know right now..” he seemed to be unsure, and jaemin swallowed the heart that was raised into his throat. he was biting so hard on his lip, he let out a whimper, releasing it and mentally telling himself to calm down.

 

“but i thought he was his boyfriend.” the nurse pointed to jaemin who stayed put in the chair across the room, his legs swinging around so he could stand up.

 

and the two just stared at each other, looking up and down trying to find some recognition. it was jeno who spoke first, a small smile raising on the corner of his mouth.

 

“jaemin?” jeno said softly, parting his lips to sort of sigh, swiping his hands over his eyes to wipe his tears. 

 

jaemin just nodded, not sure who exactly jeno was and what exactly he was doing in renjun’s hospital room. 

 

“i’m jeno.. i’ve heard so much about you.” he put his hand forward but jaemin was too weak to reach forward and shake it, so jeno retracted it and hung his head low, turning back to the nurses to ask questions. 

 

as much as jaemin wanted to ask about everything that was going on, he couldn’t. so he stepped back and leaned into the chair, sleep knocking him out as soon as he sat down. 

 

and when he woke, there was a different form of beeping, his heart speeding up at the thought of renjun being gone, so he shook strangely in his chair as he tried to sit up. 

 

but when renjun looked still peaceful and asleep, jaemin slated back in the chair and sighed pleasantly. 

 

“you’re up?” he heard a deep voice from beside him and spotted jeno there, curled up under a blanket with a coffee in hand. 

 

jaemin just blinked at him and nodded slowly, turning his phone on to check the time. 3:23am.

 

“coffee?” jeno said again, a bright smile on his lips. 

 

jaemin kind of wanted to slap it right off, but there was something drawing him to take the cup- so he gave in and let his fingers slip against jeno’s own. 

 

“thanks..” he mumbled, sipping it easily and letting it slide down his throat.

 

and he allowed himself to tilt his head on his shoulder, peering over at jeno.

 

“is he good to you?” jaemin asked, voice smaller than he had planned for it to be. but jeno turned and gave jaemin that tiny smile again, nodding. 

 

“i don’t really know if we’re boyfriends or whatever, we’ve kissed a few times. i don’t deserve him, though.” he bit the side of the slide on his cup, jaemin stared at his mouth.

 

“don’t say that..” jaemin started but jeno just cut him off with a shake of his hand.

 

he sighed, leaning back so he could rest his head on the wall behind their chairs. to their immediate right were the same two younger boys, snuggled up under the blanket on the couch in the hospital room. 

 

“it’s true, like.. damn, renjun is such a kind soul. like one time..” jeno took a sip of his coffee and then released a laugh, before finishing, “i smoked in his apartment and he was pissed forever and then still made sure i was showered and shit before getting into bed. like he could’ve kicked me out, but he…” jeno faded off and jaemin’s face was so lit up, it felt strange to him. he should feel saddened, betrayed almost, but he felt..  

 

… content. 

 

“you’re fucking kidding, he did the exact same thing with me. except i was crossfaded and i could not even see straight. he told me the next morning that i called him a koala bear, and then it kinda became a nickname, kinda stuck.” jaemin chuckled and jeno laughed along with him, both of them looking towards renjun, their faces falling into a designated frown again. 

 

jaemin remembered that night so well, but he always had renjun recite exactly what happened. 

 

_       “i’m not gonna tell you...” renjun groaned, lifting the blanket over his shoulder and turning over, so he was faced away from jaemin. but jaemin lifted his hand and scrunched up his nose, turning his boy back to look at him.  _

 

_ “are you blushing, renjun?” jaemin chirped and hovered over renjun’s frame.  _

 

_ and renjun just groaned in result, covering his cheeks.  _

 

_ “my baby is blushing, god, what the hell did i even say to you last night that made you blush this hard?” jaemin chuckled, prying renjun’s hands from his own cheeks and leaning down to kiss the heat of them, feeling the warmth on his lips. he pressed his lips to the tip of his nose, then once gently on his lips, instantly feeling renjun relax to his kiss, but jaemin pulled away. of course, renjun cried out and jaemin laughed. _

 

_ “i’ll just straight up tell you, you’re so goddamn unbelievably sweet when you’re like that..” renjun flipped himself onto his stomach so jaemin couldn’t reach him anymore, but jaemin dug his fingertips into renjun’s sides, before plopping back onto the bed next to him.  _

 

_ “injunnie..” jaemin nearly screamed out his name and he watched renjun bounce up and down from how hard he was laughing against the mattress. _

 

jaemin tilted his head to look at renjun, standing up and leaning down so he could kiss his hand and whisper a “c’mon, baby.” in a whisper so he was sure jeno wouldn’t hear. 

 

and jeno just observed the way jaemin walked back to sit down, stretching his legs prior. and jeno swallowed hard before asking jaemin what he really wanted to ask

 

“what happened?” and when jeno had started, jaemin thought he knew exactly what he was asking, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk about it, so he answered with something else.

 

“they said that the driver was-”

“-no, jaemin. between you two, i meant.” jeno’s eyebrows were pulled together in a sense where he was showing sympathy. 

 

jaemin sucked his bottom lip in, spitting it back out when he remember what renjun always said to him.

 

_       “jaemin, i swear if you ever suck your bottom lip in again, i won’t ever kiss you. you always make me think you’re about announce something undeniably scary, so stop fucking doing that.” he’d laugh and suck the rest of the ice cream off his spoon, eyeing jaemin who was in the process of rolling his eyes.  _

 

_ “you didn’t even let me fin-” _

 

_ “-nope! lip, jaemin! stop it!” and when jaemin turned away, renjun smiled and knocked his shoulder into his boyfriends. _

 

he stared at the floor, letting the shots hit him straight in the heart. he hadn’t spoke about the breakup, not even once in 14 months. jaemin felt like he’d feel more responsible and terribly upset if he said anything to anyone. but jeno had asked, and jaemin wasn’t going to ignore him. 

 

“i-i’m… not that sure actually. things just kind of started going downhill. we were both- like there was- okay.. god, give me a second, i haven’t talked about this ever..” he stopped, avoiding every sign of eye contact with jeno, but jeno wasn’t pressuring anything. jaemin couldn’t help it this time, he bit his bottom lip. “we both got too busy, like to the point where we’d eat dinner in his apartment in silence. and i guess.. i got carried away in my work and i’d miss his calls and sometimes i’d kick myself in the ass so hard for it, cause he really needed me and i couldn’t even pick up the fucking phone. i was such a coward, i kept pushing him away and i never noticed it. i always thought he was pushing me away, cause he was focusing on his own studies. and i was too busy.. god..” he let himself stop, looking over at renjun. 

 

and when jaemin looked over at jeno’s eyes, he could see that he was concerned. 

 

“i know, i know. it probably sounds stupid, ridiculous even.. that the tiniest thing could drive us away from each other.” jaemin looked away again, dangling his hands in front of him and twisting them in odd shapes. 

 

“it’s okay, jaemin. you can go on, if you want.” 

 

“are you sure?” 

 

jeno just nodded, seemingly so intrigued in the story, jaemin wasn’t sure why hearing about his boyfriend’s ex was appealing to him. 

 

“he thought we should take a break and i agreed, i knew no better. i figured it would give me a chance to focus harder on my work and i failed to realize that i happened to have pushed him away to the point where renjun wouldn’t even respond to my text when i went to his apartment with takeout. it all set in for me the day he was crying, when he told me that i broke my promise… we uh, we made this agreement where we’d kiss each other, no matter how out of hands things had gotten. and i… yeah… i forgot for two days and he broke over it. i mean, don’t get me wrong i broke over it too, we both sobbed in each other’s arms because we kind of knew, i guess? that it wasn’t that we fell out of love, life just got in the way and we couldn’t be each other’s first priorities and that was no way to live out a relationship. so we broke it off from there…” jaemin finished and pawed at his face from the wet tears falling down them.

 

he wouldn’t dare look over at jeno, so he let himself cough out a laugh.

 

“we made this promise.. well i dunno, i guess it was me. a few months later, i mailed him um.. a-”

 

“-a letter.” jeno finished for him and jaemin couldn’t not snap his eyes towards the boy. 

 

and jaemin held the eye contact, confusion written on his face. 

 

“he sleeps with it under his mattress. i changed his sheets one day and i found it.” jeno shrugged, his eyes now unreadable.

 

“i think you should try again. with renjun i mean. it’s like-”

 

but jaemin cut him off suddenly, overwhelmed to the max.

 

“-i won’t do that. that’s not fair to either of you, i won’t mess his life up again.” jaemin looked back over at renjun, shaking his head to convince himself. 

 

jeno just sighed, rubbing his forehead in distress. jaemin wasn’t sure about how to feel about the conversation he was having. it was close to four in the morning, renjun was still in his induced coma and renjun’s current boyfriend was convincing him to get back with renjun. none of it made sense. jaemin wanted to flee, but he promised renjun he’d be a better man. the old jaemin would take off in a position like he was in, but he sucked it up and listened to jeno speak some more. 

 

“he’s been off. forever, actually. like, he’s got commitment issues, or something.” jeno started and jaemin kind of wanted to laugh at the statement. renjun and commitment issues? there was no way. 

 

_       “renjun…” jaemin whispered, his face unimaginably close to renjun’s, their mouths daring to connect already. and renjun hummed in response, his eyes wide.  _

 

_ “i really want to kiss you..” he confessed and renjun actually giggled, before his nerves caught up and he muttered out a “do it then..” _

 

_ but jaemin just held renjun’s chin in his hand. _

 

_ “but i have to ask you something first.” jaemin was staring at renjun’s lips and renjun was doing the same.  _

 

_ “yes. the answer is yes.” and renjun leaned in, but jaemin leaned back, where there lips merged further apart. renjun stomped his foot, whining and tugging at the bottom of jaemin’s shirt.  _

 

_ “you don’t even know what i was gonna ask, you clown.” jaemin swiped his thumb over renjun’s lips and renjun caught it in his mouth, kissing it gently.  _

 

_ “then fucking hurry up..” renjun said and jaemin was suddenly drowning in nerves.  _

 

_ “renjun, will you be-” _

 

_ “-yes!” renjun burst out, grabbing the back of jaemin’s neck so he couldn’t pull away this time, connecting their lips in a soft yet passionate kiss. jaemin laughed and they bumped their teeth together, but neither of them cared at that moment.  _

 

but jaemin avoided smiling, listening more intently to jeno. 

 

“i asked him multiple times if he’d want to be in a relationship again, and he was so eager to answer, ‘yes, of course’ but when i asked about me he was hesitant. and i’d drop the topic until another time, where he still wasn’t sure. i know he misses you and maybe it’s the fact that you ended on a bad note that’s scaring him or whatever, but i know it won’t work between us. as much as i’d like it to, but jaemin, i know he’d be really happy with you. he’ll bring you up, mostly on accident, even sometimes when i fight with him. he’d be all like ‘stop, jaemin used to do that’ and ‘jaemin this’ and ‘jaemin that’. i’ve been so hesitant lately too, and i don’t wanna commit to something where i know he won’t be happy, you know? i’m just here to make sure that my… friend will be okay.”

 

and jaemin did know. he knew how it felt to be unsure about a relationship that was coming- or in jaemin’s case : a relationship that he was already in. 

 

so he nodded and responded one last time with, “still you can’t make that decision for him.” 

 

and they both left it at that, both of them exhausted and a little overwhelmed. and when a few more days passed, consisting of shared memories and laughter, a few tears and lots of worry, jaemin woke to multiple doctors in the room.

 

“that’s it.” one of them spoke with a monotonous voice and jaemin got up so fast that he tripped and nearly dug his face into the tile. 

 

“no!” he shouted, reaching forward to look at renjun, still lifeless, just missing the tube from his throat. 

 

“sweetie. he should wake up any time now.” one of the nurses smiled, obviously recognizing the misunderstanding, watching as jaemin placed a hand over his chest. 

 

so jaemin waited and waited and waited for renjun to wake up, but it took a lot longer than they had originally expected. jeno held jaemin’s hand at one point, when they were standing around renjun, both of them eager for him to wake up. 

 

then, they each stood on one side of his bed, jaemin sitting on the edge, brushing over renjun’s sticky hair. 

 

and jaemin gasped when he felt renjun’s hand adjust in his own, scaring jeno from across the bed. 

 

“he moved! his hand!” jaemin cheered and his smile dropped when he noticed renjun was flickering his eyes, his eyelids creasing and increasing. and suddenly jaemin was wrapped in a blanket of fear, he was petrified for renjun to open his eyes, afraid to look into them to remember every feeling renjun gave to him. and renjun did exactly that. he opened his eyes and connected them with jaemin, whose own eyes were full of tears that were clouding his vision. 

 

jaemin smiled and rose his eyebrows at renjun’s confused expression. 

 

“who are you?” he said and jaemin wanted to fall onto the floor for two different reasons : renjun hadn’t remembered him and because he had missed that voice. 

 

jaemin looked up at jeno and then the nurses around who were handing renjun some water to sip on. jaemin’s heart had sunk further into his stomach, letting his tears drop onto the bed in front of him. 

 

“i-uh.. it’s.. i’m jaemin.” jaemin started but there were cries caught in his throat, so it came off weird. 

 

renjun cocked his head and squinted his eyes to maybe try and recognize the boy a little more. but rejun just shook his head, denying all memory. jaemin slowly let his hand slip from renjun’s, but renjun caught it and tightened his grip. 

 

“jaemin wouldn’t dye his hair fucking pink..” renjun let a smirk grow onto his face as he watched jaemin let out a heavy sigh and watched his shoulders drop. he let a sob run off his lips before he could catch it, laughing along with it. 

 

and jaemin shook his head, wanting to slap renjun’s chest, but everyone knew he couldn’t do that. 

 

_       “renjun, i am not dying my hair fucking pink. i’ll look ridiculous as hell!” jaemin whined as he stared at renjun through the bathroom mirror of his apartment, the towel wrapped around jaemin’s shoulders.  _

 

_ “ready, here we go!” renjun started, pretending to begin and jaemin squealed before bending forward so he was out of renjun’s reach.  _

 

_ “baby, please. i’m not gonna do it. it’s just jet black dye.” renjun showed him the contained and jaemin pouted out his bottom lip, renjun tilting his head back so he could catch the pout in a kiss.  _

 

_ it ended up taking a little while to finish dying jaemin’s hair successfully.  _

 

and jaemin leant forward, pressing his lips against renjun’s cheek ever so softly and when he tried to pull back, renjun tugged him forward and slotted his lips between jaemin’s, where renjun involuntarily tugged his hand from jeno’s and cupped jaemin’s face. and when jaemin pulled away, pained and confused, but incredibly content, renjun spoke up. 

 

“i promised..” renjun whispered and jaemin smiled again, standing himself straight up in respect to the others in the room, especially the actual elephant in the room. but renjun hadn’t noticed anyone besides jaemin yet, but neither of them minded.

 

and before they knew it, renjun was out like the wind.

 

“what happened?” jaemin turned to the doctors and nurses who promised that he was fine, just probably a little sleepy. jaemin still wasn’t understanding the entire thing, he’d been asleep for days, but he accepted and let renjun sleep. 

 

jeno, however, stayed put next to renjun, for the next thirty minutes, still rubbing his fingertips over his knuckles. and when jaemin heard jeno use that same gasp, he decided to give them some room.

 

he made his way down to the cafeteria, where life was stirring up at 2 in the afternoon, but jaemin grabbed himself a brownie and took an long detour back to renjun. and as he passed the front desk, the same woman from the other day handed him back his id and jaemin took it with a heat on his cheeks, sending a quick apology her way.

 

and when he bumped shoulders with a hurrying jeno, jaemin froze, steading the boy in front of him with his hands. 

 

“jeno?” he was crying and jaemin already knew that jeno had just said his goodbye.

 

“jeno.” jaemin said again, this time no longer a question and more like an answer. 

 

“i’m fine. it’ll hurt for a few days, but i promise jaemin, you were meant for him. and he was meant for you.” and for some reason, jaemin knew he was serious. 

 

jaemin just nodded and jeno gave him a thumbs up and wiped jaemin’s tear slipping from his eye, causing jaemin to blink a few times. 

 

and then jeno was crawling out of jaemin’s hold and walking down the hall. 

 

“jeno!” jaemin whisper shouted, and jeno whipped around, a fake smile on his face.

 

“please, stay happy.” jaemin gave him a smile as well.

 

and jeno’s eyes softened before he nodded.

 

“i will, i promise…” and jeno turned away, his lips quivering and his tears dripping down uncontrollably, holding his hand tight against his chest as he ran out. 

 

jaemin sighed while running his hands through his hair, turning so he could see renjun’s room. and he took a long sigh, calming himself before walking carefully back to renjun, slipping in. and when renjun spotted him he nodded towards the tiny space on his bed. jaemin accepted, nervous like the first few times he had met renjun. 

 

at first they sat in silence, their hands scraping each other on accident and jaemin just clasped them together so they both would stop teasing one another.

 

“why’d you come?” renjun asked lightly and jaemin explained the situation.

 

“wow, you could’ve been romantic and said that you just had some feeling something was wrong. thought maybe you were telepathic and actually into me…” renjun joked, laughter trickling from his lips and jaemin joined in, bumping shoulders and hearing renjun whine in pain. 

 

“i’m so goddamn glad you’re okay. don’t scare me like that. okay?” jaemin sat up and turned his body so he was looking at renjun. renjun pouted and shrugged.

 

“i didn’t mean to.” he said innocently and jaemin wanted to hold him incredibly close, but he took a deep breath.

 

“you said we could try again?” jaemin started since he was eager to cover the topic and hoped renjun would respond with something, anything. 

 

“i promised…” he assured and jaemin had the biggest grin across his face.

 

“slow, though. the right way.” renjun added, his bandaged hand on jaemin’s face and jaemin held that hand over his face. 

 

renjun sat up and groaned in pain, causing jaemin to gently push him back, but renjun was stubborn as hell. he used his unbandaged hand to run his fingers through the back of jaemin’s hair, his lips running smoothly with jaemin’s. and as much as jaemin wanted to kiss him back, he pulled away. 

 

“you said slow.” jaemin questioned, giggling. but renjun tugged his neck back to his mouth, leaning back so he wouldn’t be in as much pain. 

 

“i know, just let me..” he started, speaking on jaemin’s lips, both of them a laughing and teary mess.

 

“we can go slow in a few minutes, just… kiss me, please?” 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading. 
> 
> scream at me on twitter if you'd like @ hyuckios
> 
> ( and maybe read my au's if you please )


End file.
